Hot Dogs for Health!

According to the AP c/o The Washington Times, NIH scientists are reseaching Nitrites as the latest cure fer what ails ya. Initial tests prove quite promising in stimulating circulation.
As an added benefit, deceased test subjects will last up to 8 weeks without needing refrigeration. (OK, I made that last bit up.)

Stay tuned for future stories on the protective benefits of sitting too close to the TV and eating Crisco right out the can!